"In Lieu of" does not mean "Do Not"
In many of today's obituaries there is a phrase added to the bottom, "In Lieu of Flowers donations to insert charity here are appreciated". This statement tends to confuse many people as to what the family prefers as a tribute to the deceased. We have had many people ask if it is appropriate to send flowers if the family has asked for a donation. Yes, it is.
Flowers are an outward expression of emotion, a living memorial to those that have passed. It has been shown through scientific studies that flowers sent in honor of someone has a positive effect on the grieving process for both the sender and the the family of the departed. When placed in the church or funeral home flowers and plants help create a caring and loving environment. "In Lieu of Flowers" gives a negative connotation to sending flowers.
We are not saying do not follow the wishes of the family, please remember the positive impact that flowers have. Perhaps when part of a group designate a portion of your memorial for donation and a portion for flowers. That way you are honoring the deceased with a visual expression of love and following the wishes of the family to support a worthy charity.
When a loved one has died it is very traumatic for all involved and wording for any obituary is not at the top of the list of priorities. The website inlieuofflowers.info offers these following suggestions for the family when writing the obituary:
"Choosing one of the suggested alternative phrases which simply eliminates the expression "in lieu of flowers", achieves three important goals. It honors the family request for a charity, meets the high standards for a charity, meets the high standards of good taste and decorum insisted upon by most funeral directors and does not dictate to friends the manner in which they express their sympathy.
These Phrases are Suggested:
- The family suggests memorial contributions be sent to....
- Should friends desire, contributions may be sent to....
- Memorials may be made to the charity of your choice.
- The .... Memorial has been established for those wishing to contribute.
- As an expression of sympathy, memorial contributions may be sent to....
- The family has designated the .... for memorial contributions.
- Remembrances may be made in the form desired by friends.
- Memorial contributions may be made to....
- Flowers are welcome Contributions may be sent to...
The staff at Bank of Memories & Flowers are always available to help you choose an appropriate living memorial through flowers and plants to be sent to the home or to the service on your behalf.